eternal under appreciation

I'll be attending Small press Expo in Stockholm this year togheter with Enthusiatsic comic artist nr. 1! Here are some photos of what I'll be selling:



A different kind of study vol 1 and 2 will have a re-run togheter with the all new, first issue of Mauritz!



There'll also be limited A3 posters avabile, gettem while you can!

Jantelagen (the Jante law) have been something that've weightened my back this last year up 'till now; Things I've been told, the judgements people've had of my works, telling me what I should do to get better, to suck less and fit the template of the society's taste. As it goes on, I curl up under my sheets, crawling away from the stinging reality. But you'll always hit the wall behind you (if you're not one of those fools sleeping in the middle of the room); running away from reality is impossible, if you don't wish to commit suicide.

Friends have always been there though, but the horrible thing about the sensitive psyche I posess is the way it closes my mind from praise and flattery. The logic I work in my brain is complex, sometimes I wonder if I wouldn't do better making metaphysical calculations instead of trying to calculate values in art; There is no proper system to follow in defining art, so all this time I guess I've been worrying in vain. In the end, this negligent attitude of mine arose, just doing what I feel like, posting it up on a few places without making much fuzz and then smiling and nodding a bit if someone who comes by happens to like what they see.

Yet, it doesn't feel like my soul is satisfied by keeping an attitude like this, being completely oblivious about what people think about my art and hardly caring of what I feel about them myself. But even though I feel like this, I have not lost sight of my desired goal. Guess the best way I could explain this feeling is “pulling a heavy corpse up a slope”. That corpse being the former faith I had in my worth as an artist.

That feeling of worth is gone now, replaced with a lingering frustration and angst of constantly being judged as a “commercial artist” with an imitated, “commercial style”. That I’m rather trying to imitate a Japanese pro-artist rather than trying to express myself in what I do, being placed in a big heap with a pole labeled “MANGAKA-WANNABEES” stuck down in it. Why… can’t we all just be artist? Why are some branded and put outside the bigger group? Why can’t there just be a free diversity in the comic and art world? I want to feel pride in what I do and I’m sick and tired of being branded as a “Wannabe” and “Commercial”-heap!

This is why I can’t take the praiseful words my friends tell me seriously, I don’t feel like I deserve it… And besides, I’ve seen enough of the comic industry to tell I’m not of the desired kind. To me, it feels like there is a curtain made out of lead surrounding the comic industry of Sweden, one I probably won’t get beyond. I got the finger I used in an attempt to approach it cut off, my childhood dream brutally crushed and my drawing hand branded. In order to eliminate the hate I felt towards the enthroned people within the industry responsible for triggering my mental misery, I reflected the errors onto myself and my art. But that would not eliminate the feeling of having my chance taken away from me. No, I don’t want to hear what I did wrong, because there IS no right and wrong, all you can do is THINK what is.

I’m still trying to find a way to soothe my inner frustration. As any other artist I just wish to do what I love and others to like what I’ve put my heart into creating. I need to take my friends and admirers’ words with consideration, after all the times they’ve pulled the gun out of my hand at the times I’ve been about to give up. Thank you, for existing. I thank God for my friends whom without I would be all alone to bear this horribly sensitive mind of mine.

It may take many days, but I want to believe that I will someday be able to gracefully overcome the frustration, hate and other hindrances completely if I just keep on drawing. That corpse may as well someday regain life and accompany me on my way up the slope, towards the final showdown against Jantelagen.

I haven't updated in MONTHS! As I've said earlier, I'm planning a move of this blog. Just haven't found the time to do that yet!
Here's some pictures of a figurine I got today:







The character is Tauburn from Star Driver.

It's shiny!

...man I keep straying from the style of the project! D8;

My Christmas presente finally arrived!!

I got a really happy surprise, opening the one from my friend:



FF tactics Original Soundtrack!! Man, I feel so in debt to this person now!



+ A really cute merry christmas card featuring Lown, his FF XIV character (you may've seen the lil' thing in previous posts).

And then I got my LDT-tee, finally!



Design by Ya-Na!

A print version of the design was included, I need to get another frame from home so I can put it up.

Sorry for the low updating of late, been really busy!!
We're currently developing our first game ever in school now, and I've been given the big job of making attractive sprites of the main character (a mad nurse) and her weapons. Here is a WIP of a little something I made just for entertaining myself, based after a joke a comedian said about "nurses being dissappointed and rude because they actually went to become doctors", haha.


She is supposed to hold something.

Are pretty in Wisby.

The Zora prince from Zelda twillight Princess.



Now I regret selling my copy of the game even more! I wanna play it through again!!

Can't sleep novadays otl

Hello readers!
Sorry for the low update of late, I'm planning on moving this blog sometime the following weeks, mostly to change its name.

Well, not much've happened of late.. School's on again, mood goes up and lately've been down. Why are some things so hard?
Some random photos of random stuff that've happened lately:


Bought the most expensive box of chocolate ever for my PMS snack. Though as I opened it I felt too humble to just showe it all down my throat... XD;


Found this awesome book at the library! It explains all the "magics" used in the making of all the Harry Potter movies 'till the latest coming out last year, complete with props and interviews with all the actors! I need to get myself one of these...

Mistwalker answered my tweet!

Jag har verkligen drabbats...

As some of you know, I currently reside on an island. I... haven't really missed my home town back on the mainland ever since I got here in August, but recently I feel like I miss those days when I used to walk through between those sunlit, flat and high walls, marvel at the architecture, sit on the ancient stone stairs by the flowing river, eating ice cream... Though much of the things I miss the most doesn't exist anymore; my hometown has changed and so has the people I knew.
But I will probably return there anyway, sometime soon. I guess I could blame this song for making me all sentimental!



So funky, my 12-years old half-sister adores Zelda as much as I did when I was around her age. Maybe it's something we've got genetically; to like the same kind of games, haha.

Wohoo, almost!

Scanner's not working on this computer... Ack, can't scan my latests doodles!! Ah well, on another note, just two days left! Me and my pal are getting into the mood in Erozea.

There's a christmas event going on in Final Fantasy XIV!



Victor är skitglad.

Only 4 days left!
Thought I'd blog early today so I won't miss it later!

I don't know how many of you who know this, but I am actually a big fan of Zelda. So yesterday I felt trigged to doodle some of the characters from the latests 'big' zelda games.


+

HRYAAAAH!!
Yays, sketchyness!

Ack,.. missed it yesterday.. Ah well...

Finally watched Avatar yesterday.

And damn, i really love the ost of TRON Legacy. How could I not, it's Daft Punk who've created it!

MISSED 16! Man, i fail otl.



Getting into da groove.